zwei alte Damen

Zu Besuch im Altersheim: Leben ohne Reue

Vorehelicher Sex, Abtreibungen & eine Auswanderung nach Südamerika – das Leben von Gertrude, Leopoldine und Marlene bietet einiges an Gesprächsstoff.  Ich durfte die drei Damen in einem Wiener Altersheim besuchen und ein wenig mit ihnen plaudern.

Vor meinem Besuch im Altersheim hatte ich einige Artikel und Studien dazu gelesen, was alte Menschen, auf ihr Leben zurückblickend, am meisten bereuen. Meine Intention war es also, herauszufinden, ob ich zu ähnlichen Ergebnissen komme. Eines schon vorweg – der Besuch lief anders ab als erwartet.

5 Dinge, die Sterbende bereuen

Die ehemalige Palliativpflegerin Bronnie Ware landete mit ihrem Buch „The Top Five Regrets of the Dying“ einen Bestseller. Hier ihre Top Five Reue-Punkte:

  1. „Ich wünschte, ich hätte den Mut gehabt, mein eigenes Leben zu leben.“
  2. „Ich wüschte, ich hätte nicht so viel gearbeitet.“
  3. „Ich wünschte, ich hätte den Mut gehabt, meine Gefühle auszudrücken.“
  4. „Ich wünschte, ich hätte den Kontakt zu meinen Freunden aufrechterhalten.“
  5. Ich wünschte, ich hätte mir erlaubt, glücklicher zu sein.“
    (Bronnie, Ware (2015): Fünf Dinge, die Sterbende am meisten bereuen. Einsichten, die ihr Leben verändern werden. Goldmann Verlag)

Mach‘ dir keine Sorgen

In eine ähnliche Kerbe schlägt die Untersuchung von Karl Pillemer, Professor für Humanentwicklung. Er befragte mehr als 1500 ältere Menschen (über 65 Jahre alt), über das Wichtigste, das sie in ihrem Leben gelernt hätten, bzw. was sie in ihrem Leben am meisten bereuten.

Häufigste Antwort der Befragten: Sie würden es bereuen, sich zeitlebens so viele Sorgen gemacht zu haben und wünschten sich die vergeudete Zeit zurück, die sie in Sorge verbracht hatten.

Ihr Tipp für ein glücklicheres Leben lautete also, sich weniger zu sorgen.

Frau mit verschränkten Händen im Altersheim
(c) Pixabay (Symbolfoto)

Gespräche im Altersheim

Den größten Tisch im Aufenthaltsraum des Heimes ansteuernd, hatte ich Angst, die betagten Damen zu stören, die sich so prächtig amüsierten. Es war mir etwas unangenehm, sie zu unterbrechen. Ich fragte also, etwas peinlich berührt, ob sie Lust hätten, sich mit mir zu unterhalten und erklärte mein Vorhaben.

Zu meiner großen Erleichterung freuten sie sich über mein Interesse. Anfangs noch etwas zurückhaltend, sprudelte es schließlich aus ihnen heraus und jede der Damen wollte ihre Geschichte erzählen, nachdem Gertrude den Anfang gemacht hatte.

Leben ohne Reue

Ich fragte also in die Runde der rüstigen Damen, ob es etwas gäbe, das sie bereuen würden – einhelliger Tenor: „Eigentlich nicht“. Gertrude, 85 Jahre alt, ergänzte weiter: „Ich kann das Leben schätzen – trotz, oder gerade wegen meiner Erfahrungen.“

„Ich kann das Leben schätzen – trotz, oder gerade wegen meiner Erfahrungen.“

Und Gertrude hatte wahrlich kein leichtes Leben. Sie wuchs als jüngstes von neun Geschwistern in ärmlichen Verhältnissen auf und arbeitete in einer Fabrik. Ihr Mann, ein Musiker und Frauenheld, hatte sie bei mehr als einer Gelegenheit betrogen. Sogar in der Hochzeitsnacht war er ihr untreu.

Babyfüße

Zudem wollte Gertrudes Mann keine Kinder und zwang sie zu drei Abtreibungen. Bei der vierten Schwangerschaft war das Paar wieder beim Arzt, um den Fötus „wegmachen zu lassen“. Der Arzt erkannte aber, dass das nicht Gertrudes Wunsch war und wollte mit ihr unter vier Augen sprechen. Ihrem Mann erklärten sie schließlich, es wäre zu spät für eine Abtreibung. Das entsprach nicht der Wahrheit, aber so konnte Gertrude das Kind behalten. Sie bekam ein Mädchen. Ihrem Mann passte das gar nicht und er kümmerte sich nicht im Geringsten um die gemeinsame Tochter. Nach acht Jahren Ehe ließ sich Gertrude scheiden. Sie war damals 28 Jahre alt.

„Ich hab‘ drei Abtreibungen gehabt.“

Ihr zweiter Mann, ein Mechaniker, starb sehr jung. Er wurde von seinem Lehrjungen bei einem Unfall überfahren. Er starb noch an der Unfallstelle. Gertrude war dabei.

Sie heiratete noch ein drittes Mal. Aber auch diese Ehe war schwierig. Ihren dritten Mann beschreibt Gertrude als anständigen Mann, der aber ein Problem mit Zigaretten und Alkohol hatte. „Der hat mehr als 60 Zigaretten am Tag geraucht. Seine Sucht hat ihn dann auch mit 53 Jahren das Leben kostet.“

Ihrem Optimismus und ihrer fröhlichen, offenen Art konnten all diese Schicksalsschläge nichts anhaben.

Als Jungfrau in die Ehe

Mehr Glück in der Liebe hatte die 92-jährige Leopoldine. Sie war Frisörin und lernte ihren Mann Manfred, ebenfalls Frisör, mit 21 Jahren im Frisörsalon kennen.

„Den Glatzerten kannst da ghoiden“

Nach einem Jahr in Kriegsgefangenschaft kehrte Manfred 1946 nach Österreich zurück und fand seine damalige Frau Herta mit einem anderen Mann vor. „Des hot’s damals öfter gebn“, so Leopoldine.

junges Glück inzwischen alter Menschen
(c) pixabay_StockSnap (Symbolfoto)

Vom Arbeitsamt wurde der Frisörmeister später in Leopoldines Salon geschickt. Für ihren Mann war es so etwas wie Liebe auf den ersten Blick. Leopoldine war zu Anfang weniger begeistert – im Gegensatz zu ihrer Mutter. Bei einem Gespräch meinte sie zu Leopoldine: „Der ghamat ma nimma aus. So a liaba Kerl.“ Darauf die Tochter: „Den Glatzerten kannst da ghoidn.“ Es kam dann aber doch anders und nach nur einem Jahr wurde schon geheiratet. Für Leopoldine war es die erste Liebe. Ihr war es wichtig, als Jungfrau in die Ehe zu gehen und das stellte sie ihrem Mann gegenüber schnell klar. „Mein Körper ist mein Heiligtum“, sagte Leopoldine, von ihrem Mann liebevoll Lea genannt, vor der Ehe zu ihrem Liebsten. „I hob earm schon warten lassen. Aber er hat sich sowieso viel von mir sogn lossen.“, meint die freundliche alte Dame, mit einem Lächeln, an mich gewandt.

„…die lebt net lange. Und jetzt bin i scho 92.“

Gemeinsam hat das Paar dann ein eigenes Frisörgeschäft im 20. Wiener Gemeindebezirk eröffnet. Dafür haben sie sehr hart gearbeitet und alles aus eigener Kraft geschafft.

Leopoldine sieht sich ohnehin als Kämpferin. „Als Kind war ich so klein und mager, dass alle gsagt haben, die lebt net lange. Und jetzt bin i scho 92.“, erzählt sie lachend.

Sehnsucht nach Österreich

Auch die 89-jährige Marlene hatte ein, im wahrsten Sinne, bewegtes Leben. Gemeinsam mit ihrem Mann ging sie 1948 nach Südamerika. „Wir waren drei Wochen auf dem Schiff“, erzählt Marlene von der großen Reise. Ihr Ehemann war Schlosser und verdiente in Südamerika wesentlich besser als zu Hause in Österreich. Trotz großem Heimweh blieben die beiden 10 Jahre dort, bis sie schließlich so viel Geld gespart hatten, um sich am Stadtrand von Wien ein Haus mit Garten zu kaufen. Auf ihre Zeit in Südamerika blickt Marlene sehr gerne zurück, auch wenn sie geprägt war, durch die Sehnsucht nach zu Hause. Auch ihre drei Kinder kamen dort zur Welt, und das, nachdem ein Arzt in Österreich ihr gesagt hatte, sie könne keine Kinder bekommen.

„Mutter hat man schließlich nur eine, Freunde und Frauen mehrere …“

Marlenes Sohn besucht sie täglich im Altersheim. Und so sitzt er auch diesmal mit am Tisch. Stolz zeigt mir Marlene eine Karte. Sie stammt von ihrem Sohn, zum 89. Geburtstag, den sie letzte Woche gefeiert hat. In schöner Handschrift steht dort: „…es tut mir leid, dass ich in der Vergangenheit zu wenig Zeit für dich hatte. Ich versuche dafür jetzt, immer für dich da zu sein. Mutter hat man schließlich nur eine, Freunde und Frauen mehrere …“ Marlene erklärt mir, dass ihr Sohn zwei Mal geschieden ist. Woraufhin Gertrude, fast beschützend, ergänzt „Aber er is‘ so ein herzensguter Mensch. So höflich, genau wie seine Mutter. Das gibt’s selten.“

Tipps für die Jugend

Auf meine Frage, ob sie einen Tipp für die Jugend hätten, worauf es im Leben wirklich ankommt bzw. wie man sein Leben gestalten sollte, fallen die Antworten der Damen sehr ähnlich aus.

Ältere Menschen würden eben auch nicht immer alles richtig machen und die Jugend wäre schon gut so, wie sie ist. Da brauche man nicht meckern, meint Gertrude. Sie sei froh, über das Mehr an Möglichkeiten das die Kinder heute haben. Studieren beispielsweise konnte sie damals nicht. Über die bald anstehende Sponsion ihres Enkels freue sie sich daher umso mehr.

„Die Älteren machen auch nicht immer alles richtig. Die Jungen sind schon gut so, wie sie sind.“

Die anderen stimmen ihr zu. Leopoldine erzählt von ihrer braven Enkeltochter und wie sehr sie sich über Besuche ihrer Familie freue. „Man kann nicht verlangen, dass die Kinder immer für uns da sind. Die ham ihr eigenes Leben.“ „Ich leb‘ gern“, ergänzt sie. Das sei das Wichtigste – dankbar zu sein und das Leben zu genießen.

Mein Fazit

Ratgeber wie der von Bronnie Ware bedienen das tiefe Bedürfnis in uns, uns sagen zu lassen, wie wir leben sollen.

Im Grunde wissen wir doch aber selbst, worauf es im Leben tatsächlich ankommt. Die Frage ist eher, warum wir trotzdem in so vielen Fällen nicht danach handeln und leben …

Und last but not least: Besucht mal wieder eure Großeltern, sofern ihr noch welche habt. Sie freuen sich sicher über einen Plausch mit euch.  🙂

Merken

Merken

Merken

Merken

Merken

Merken

Merken

Merken

Merken

Merken

Merken

Merken

Merken

Merken

Merken

Merken

Merken

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